


The Birthday Surprise

by BetweenBlackandWhite



Category: Einstürzende Neubauten, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 14:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetweenBlackandWhite/pseuds/BetweenBlackandWhite
Summary: It's Nick's birthday and he is alone in Berlin, promoting his new album. Among the usual birthday wishes, there is a text from a person he haven't heard of for a long time: Blixa.





	The Birthday Surprise

Thousands of messages lit up on screen when Nick woke up. It was way too late, almost evening. Even before he could really open his eyes, he skimmed some of them. One year older, and he felt the same as he always did. The only difference was a pain in the lower back, but it was probably caused by having slept on his notebook. Far away from home in a hotel room, the pain and messages were the only evidence of him being older now. He stretched and yawned. A cold sip of water crept down his throat. A hot shower would help, he thought and got up. Nick ripped his arms in the air. "Happy Birthday," he said to himself. He was just about to take his pants off the chair next to the bed when his phone lit up again. From the corner of his eye, he read a name he hadn't read in a long time. It couldn't be. He must have worked too much the night before. Watch, rings, shirt. He took everything off the tabel. Again, his phone lit up. Nick threw everything on the bed and sat down, picking up the phone and stared at the screen. What the hell, he thought to himself as he typed in the security code. First message: Happy birthday, Blixa. Second message: Been a long time, Blixa. Nick smiled. Either Blixa was already drunk in the morning or finally got a smartphone and learned to use it. It's been over ten years. Ten years in which her past has vanished and almost blurred to the point of having never existed. His fingers hovered over the screen. Thank you.... Delete. You're right, we should ... delete. Do you finally have a smart ... again, delete. Let's get us ... no, delete. Nick threw the phone to side, took it back into his hand and typed in the address of the Berlin hotel where he was. He didn't get a reply. After waiting next to the phone for ten minutes, he finally went for a shower. It was a strange time. So many years without a spoken word, without seeing each other. Nevertheless, there were still thousands of questions that were never answered and influenced his creative thinking. The same questions Blixa had, Nick was sure. After showering, he looked at himself in the large mirror. When had he only grown so old? His eyes sad and his body so tired? He exhaled wistfully. He was still in there somewhere, the boy who wanted to rule the world and burn it all down. He had been buried at some point, somewhere in the past decade. Nick put on his suit and stuck the rings on his fingers as usual. Curious, he glanced at the phone, but there was still no reply. Before opening the hotel room door, he put on his dark sunglasses. 

Down into the lobby of the five-star hotel. His younger self would laugh at him, call him a snob. Nick smiled. He had become his nightmare. A hand on his shoulder ripped him out of his thoughts. Nick turned around, peering into the face of a young woman. He tried to smile. "Hi, can ... can I have a selfie?", she asked nervously. "Sure," Nick said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "I take that," he added, taking her smartphone out of the trembling hands and setting the selfie mode. The woman was overjoyed. "From Berlin?", asked Nick and returned the phone to her. She was irritated when Nick's face suddenly changed. He looked like he had seen a ghost. She looked in the same direction as he did. "Is this ...," she said in thought, hoping not to have said it out loud. She had it, though. "Fuck," whispered Nick. He and his fan froze as a tall man in a black suit came through the revolving door. Blixa had clearly lost weight, his three-piece suit was visibly tailored, and the grey hair lay perfect. He still had the same strange sideburns, but he would probably never get rid of them. The girl next to Nick said goodbye and walked away. She had a huge smile on her face as she passed Blixa. He smelled of aftershave and had a small box in his hand. Nick suddenly felt insecure, almost anxious. The many nights with Blixa in Berlin streamed through him like a lightning. Still, he couldn't put a foot forward. It was always him who had suggested to meet up again, who congratulated Blixa and sent gifts. That's what he always wanted, or not? Blixa stood in the foyer, like a father who wanted to pick up his child from a field trip. Old, calm, loving. He looked around, saw Nick and didn't change the look on his face. Nick's hands got wet and he started questioning if the situation was real. "Hi," Nick said, sounding as if he was surprised to meet him. "Hello," Blixa said. His voice deep and monotonous. Nick wanted to reach his hand out to him, but Blixa had already turned away. "Dinner?", asked Blixa, staring into the lobby. "Yes, why not. Do you know a good Res-" Nick wanted to ask, but Blixa was already on his way through the door. Nick followed him across the street to a small Italian restaurant. Blixa smiled as he saw the owner and hugged him for a welcome. Nick stood next to the entrance like a forgotten dog. The man Blixa had greeted pointed to a table by the window. Nick went ahead and sat down. He stared at the floral decoration. "Sooo...," Nick began. His fingers nervously tapped on the pink napkin. "You ... here ...," Nick said, laughing, but his laughter seemed rather desperate. "I live in Berlin," Blixa replied without. Nick's smile disappeared. "Rrrright ... yes ...," he said to himself. The waiter brought a bottle of red wine. Blixa poured some into the glasses and looked down on his, swinging it back and forth. Nick knew that face. Blixa was unsettled. Nick wanted to smile but tried to suppress it. "How is the home, the wife, the kid?", asked Nick curiously. "All good," Blixa answered. "I'm sorry I never called you…or so, after…," said Blixa without looking up. "It ... it's ok. It's going to be ok at some point." "I wasn't at the fune-" "Let's talk about something else please," Nick said, raising the glass. Only now did Blixa look into Nick's eyes. Nick was trapped by them, as he was years ago. It was the same eyes, only everything else had changed. Blixa pushed a small box over to Nick. "For...for me?", asked Nick in surprise and reached for it. Blixa folded his hands under his chin. Nick opened the box. "That ...," he said in amazement. " That's ... I thought I had lost it," he added. Blixa smiled for the first time since they met. Nick took the ring out of the box. It still fit. "I got it after I... after ... we ...," Nick was lost in his memories. It had been 36. "Wild times," Blixa said, emptying his glass. "Oh yeah," Nick said. They both laughed. "Now we're sitting here, with wine and we have to choose between pizza and pasta," Nick said, laughing. "Or risotto," Blixa said. "Or risotto," Nick repeated. It was almost as if they had never lost sight of each other. "Why now?", asked Nick, looking at the ring. There was no reply. "I take pasta," he said instead, pouring in another glass of wine. The food was delicious. Gradually, the ice between the two melted and the wine sarted to work. Blixa paid for both. "Some things don't change," Nick joked, standing up. They said goodbye and went back to the hotel. In a deep conversation about Blixa's new album, both didn't realize they were going to the hotel room together. Nick pulled the key card out of his jacket. Both looked at each other in bewilderment. "Since you're here, we could watch a movie," Nick said, opening the door. Blixa looked to the ground, still appearing alarmingly serious to Nick. "Sorry, you don't have to ... thanks for dinner," Nick said quickly. "That would be nice," said Blixa with a little smile in the corner of his mouth. "Horror?", asked Nick as he walked in. "What else," Blixa replied, feeling like he was in a time machine.

They entered the room. Blixa took off his shoes just behind the door. Nick looked at him irritated. "That's what marriage does. But who am I telling this," Blixa said and you could spot the hint of a smile on his lips as he put his shoes to the side. "I put on something comfortable," Nick said, disappearing into the bathroom. A moment of silence. A situation so familiar, yet so very strange. The same actors, in the wrong place at the wrong time. This wasn't London, and it wasn't sometime before the new millennium either. Nick put on a shirt and a wide sweater. "Why didn't you sit down?", asked Nick irritated, when he saw that Blixa was still standing by the door. Nick threw himself on the large unmade bed and turned on the TV. Still, Blixa stood there like a butler in his three-piece suit. "Sit down," Nick said, pointing beside himself. Blixa took off his jacket and vest, hung both over a chair and sat down on the bed. Nick had to laugh. Why did Blixa always manage to look like someone had taken him from hell and retouched him into an everyday picture? While Blixa lingered on the bedside like a wax figure, Nick stretched out like a cat next to him. "They have their own horror channel here," said Nick. Blixa stared at the screen, taking off his watch and loosening the tie. "Something black and white?", asked Blixa. "Sure," Nick replied, scrolling further through the list of available movies. "I will get some wine," Nick said, picking up the phone next to the bed. He called the front desk. "So much luxury for two men like we are," Blixa said with a sarcastic undertone. "Like we are?" Nick asked. "I didn't forget who we used to be. I thought you might think I have," Blixa replied almost wistfully. There was a knock on the door. Nick jumped up. Blixa took off his tie, neatly curled it up, and put it on the bedside table. Nick came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses and crawled under the blanket. They chose Roman Polanski's "Ekel".   
As they watched the move, it got darker outside. Blixa took the other end of the big blanket and put it over him. Nick noticed that his heart started beating faster. What was going on? This is something from the past. This isn’t going to work anymore. Family, wife and house. Both no longer the ones they used to be, all just an echo of days gone by, but still his heart beat like the day he first saw him on TV. Nick lay there, tense and dared not look beside him. He didn't want Blixa to notice. But what, in fact? What was there? A stealthy look to the side. Blixa lay next to him, loosely sunk into the pillows, staring at the screen. There were wrinkles in his face that he didn't know, his eyes even more thoughtful than in his memory, on his finger a ring. The hair like that of a gentleman, almost aristocratic. A suit. Nick dared to turn his head and glanced at Blixa directly. Was he still in there somewhere. Was he still in that body himself? More years have passed than are yet to come. Blixa looked to the side and gave Nick a questioning look. Nick turned his head back to the screen.

 

Nick emptied his glass while the end credits ran. "Time for you to go home," he said and looked beside himself. Blixa was asleep. Nick smiled as he saw him calmly breathing, tightly wrapped in the blanket. Should he wake him up? He lit a cigarette, lay on his side and propped his head on his arm. He wondered why Blixa had approached him that day and something in his eyes made him sad. But he himself had also changed. The grief seemed to be written on his own face. There he was, his old friend, his alter ego, lying next to him, as if everything had been just waiting for this moment. Nick squeezed out the cigarette, stood up carefully and closed the curtains.  
Nick laid down again and tried not to wake Blixa in the process. He glanced at the ceiling and, in half-dark, tried to count the flowers of the stucco around the lamp. Everything in him was tense. His breath strangely flat. His heart was still beating up to his neck. He folded his hands over his stomach and recalled the beginning in Berlin and the end in London. Nick’s heart skipped a beat as Blixa moved next to him. He looked beside himself. He was still asleep and had now turned to the side, the blanket pulled over his shoulders. A strand of hair had fallen in his face. No matter how many years had passed, for Nick he still was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He wondered how Blixa could sleep. Apparently, he didn't feel the way he used to anymore, and Nick started to feel uncomfortable just letting him sleep. Nick was about to turn around as he felt Blixa's hand on his. A shiver drove through Nick's body. Was Blixa still asleep? Was he aware that it was his hand after which he had reached? If he put it away and Blixa woke up noticing, it would be an inescapably awkward situation. Nick thought of his wife, she certainly was asleep, wrapped up in her dreams about the sea and colorful birds. Definitely, she was the love of his life, the most beautiful that a god could ever have created, a broken queen in his kingdom, but still he lay in the hotel bed wondering why his heart was racing. He smiled and glanced at Blixa’s hand, which lay on his. He could never explain it. Hesitantly, Nick turned his hand around and gently grabbed Blixa's. It was warm and soft and enclosed his. Blixa breathed on calmly. Deeply immersed in dreams. What is he dreaming about, what could be such a controlled beast be dreaming of, Nick asked himself. Probably, he dreamed about five star restaurants with excellent wine. Just a few centimeters separated him from the sleeping face. Where had the long nights gone? Full of music, alcohol, drugs, ecstasy, fast sex and untamed pleasure. They were farther away than the moon. Two tamed tigers who could more and more see the end of the road.  
Nick turned on his back. What goddamn idiotic thoughts. He let go of Blixa’s hand, drove his hands over his face and stopped. His hand smelled of Blixa's perfume. He turned to the side, turned away from Blixa and put his face on his hand, took a deep breath and felt a painful pulling in his throat. All that was there was never love, but now he lay there in his tears wondering what it was. Maybe love after all? She had so many faces and Nick found it hard to grab her. Again, as always. The grumpy old man next to him certainly no longer had the same fluff in his mind, thoughts about beautiful men had probably long changed to thoughts about wine selections, or thoughts about weekly shopping and holiday destinations. That's how it was with him when he started his family. Why should it be any different with Blixa? You just grow up. Nick took a heavy breath. It’s just a phase, after all, they always say that. Just a phase. The tears made their way across his hand to the pillow.

 

Nick felt how Blixa put his arm around him and an unbearable pain drove through him. Nick held his breath, so he didn't have to cry loudly. There was so much in his heart, too much, that was taken from him. He hadn't cried for a long time. Everything around him was just like a movie. He was a bad actor in his life. The facet crumbled, and he knew it. Blixa put his arm around Nick's chest and placed his body tight to Nick's. Had Blixa seen it? It wasn't hard to see how he was doing. All the interviews always ended up being asked about the catastrophe and he was drowning. Nick felt Blixa put his forehead tightly to his shoulder. "Let it rain, let it rain until the streams become tearing rivers," Blixa whispered. Nick felt the tears and there was no stopping them. He grabbed Blixa's hand and started crying like a child. Loud and uncontrolled. Unhindered, tears streamed down his face. Blixa placed his hand on Nick's head. Nick haven’t felt like this in a long time. He found himself in the arms of someone stronger than him, safe and protected. Maybe it had always been that, the feeling of having a tower of strength. There he was, his tower and he kept him safe. Nick's breath calmed. The tears dried. Nick grabbed Blixa’s hand and felt that his heart was racing, too. As calm as he lay next to him, he must have been burning inside. Nick turned on his back. Blixa's hand was now resting on his chest. They looked at each other. There was silence. Everything blurred in the strange atmosphere of the night. Nick's eyes were red and tired. Blixa put his hand to Nick's cheek. One word, but Nick remained silent. Blixa's thumb wiped the final tear off the cheek. Nick turned to the side and put his forehead to Blixa's. His hand reached into his grey hair, encompassed it tightly and never wanted to let it go again.

 

Blixa, too, put his hand to Nick's head and reached into his hair as if the movement could ask: Where were you? But he, too, didn't speak a word. It was far too unusual to be so familiar again after all years, this time more grown up, with no drugs and no rock star image. Nick's nose touched Blixa's. Both breathed heavily, hearts threatening to fail. Nick opened his mouth slightly and tapped Blixa's lips with the tip of his tongue. In the process, a thousand thoughts shot through his head. Was that right? Was Blixa even fully awake? Blixa kissed him back passionately. He wanted Nick to realize he found him beautiful, liked him, desired him, loved him. It suddenly felt as if time had disappeared, as if there was nothing to fight anymore, nothing evil, nothing good, nothing ugly, nothing beautiful, just the two of them left and alone, as the last creatures walking the earth. Their lips touched gently and tenderly, their bodies fused together and that moment, in its eternal perfection, allowed for no feelings other than pure, deep, indestructible love for each other. Their lips parted again. In the midst of the uncontrolled burst of feelings, there was suddenly calm. Perfect calm. Both kept their eyes tightly closed. Then they looked again. Hands still firmly submerged in their hair, Blixa gently bit on Nick's bottom lip. It was familiar, but Nick was holding back, and he felt it was the same with Blixa. With cocaine, heroin and alcohol, everything was easier, but especially twenty years ago, when their lips had last touched. Something in him bristled. "Doesn't your wife wonder where you are?", asked Nick. Bang! With full force, both were thrown back into reality. Blixa took his hand off Nick's head as if he had only now realized what he was doing. He turned on his back. "They are on vacation," he said quietly and grumpy. Both briefly looked at each other. "Fuck," whispered Nick, put his hands on his face and rolled on his back as well. Together they lay in the hotel bed, in the flimsy light of the moon, breathing silently, each of them on one of the sides of the bridge, which was more fragile than ever. It was late. Blixa sat down on the edge of the bes, buried his face in his hands. "That was-" Nick wanted to say, but Blixa showed with a brief gesture that he should stop talking. Blixa took the tie off the bedside table, put it around and tied a knot. "Some spirits should not be woken up," Blixa said under a sigh. Was he just Blixa's ghost? A blemish in the past, their common biography? Nick turned on the the light. He watched Blixa get up, put on his vest and suit and tie his shoes. Nick wanted to say that he should stay, that he should not wander around Berlin in the middle of the night, but he remained silent and watched as Blixa walked down the hallway, closing the door and leaving him cold. Again, tears began to run down Nick's face. He rolled himself together like a young child and took the pillow Blixa lay on in his arms. Sleep, he needed sleep.

 

The night was restless. Again and again, Nick had woken up thinking about what had happened. Or didn’t it happen at all? Nick opened his eyes. A ray of sunshine leaked through the curtains and blinded him. He turned away and looked to the other side of the room. His watch. Blixa's watch lay on the bedside table. He must have forgotten about it the previous evening. Carefully, he took the watch in his hand. He lifted his eyebrow: Rolex, what else. Still, the previous day seemed like a hazy dream. Although, he thought that Blixa didn’t feel the same as he did, his little stupid heart was racing, Blixa's heart was racing and he kissed him. A kiss that probably should never have happened. He rolled the clock back and forth between his fingers. It seemingly was a gift from his wife, as the engraving revealed. They must love each other, just as he loved his own wife. But in tat night he found something again that was lost and missing. He recalled how Blixa had held him. A male strength that no woman could give him, not even his own. The scent of his aftershave, the edgy body. Hard and not gentle, the skin rough and not soft. Was it so wrong to have that craving? He felt like a man who had stopped smoking but was still longing for a cigarette every now and then. It wasn't wrong. It was never wrong. It would never stand between him and his wife. He just had to ask for a cigarette. Nick picked up his phone. What he Googled made him laugh like a teenager: Concert/Berlin/Blixa Bargeld. No matter how deep he dug into the internet, even on page ten of the google search he found nothing. Nick didn't know where Blixa lived and had no idea where to search in that city. He had lost him, as he did last time. The day they parted years ago still gripped Nick to the marrow. One word. A dispute. The end of them and the band as everyone knew it. Nick put on the watch. It was too big for him and hung down heavily on his wrist. He could have written him a message, but he didn't know what to say. All words would have been merely void or far too revealing. Arriving on page twelve of the google search, Nick finally found something. He clicked the link. An exhibition. The opening was just that day and the man who opened it was none other than the man he was looking for. His heart started beating faster again. You fucking stalker, Nick thought. But, if you had to return an expensive watch to its owner, it wasn't stalking. Nick drove his hand through his hair and fell into the pillows. What was he doing?

 

Outside the museum, Nick stopped. The press will be inside wondering what he was doing there. He already saw the headlines: Reunion, new album? Reunion, yes, just unlike the press could ever have guessed. Nick lit a cigarette and watched from a distance as men walked in with their beautiful wives. Actually, everyone knew it, Nick thought. The open secret of the Bad Seeds. He threw the cigarette to the ground, straightened his tie and closed the black jacket. It felt like it suffocated him. He hated ties. Time to go in. The vast white industrial space was already crowded. Distant laughter, evening dresses, the stank of acrylic, sparkling wine and dried up morsels. A man with Sparkling wine came over "A refreshment, Mr. Cave?", he said. Nick nodded, took a glass and only realised at the first sip that he himself was recognized by the staff. Carefully, he looked around. Some had their heads together, looking at him every now and then. Imperceptibly, like a ghost, Nick walked back a few steps, out of the bright light. Then a pedestal was lit at the other end of the hall. Nick chuckled when Blixa got to the microphone. He looked so delightfully serious, no more hint of coke and ice cream. Nick enclosed the clock inside his pocket. Blixa mumbled something in German, probably something intelligent and significant. He gesticulated like a poet and the guests’ eyes were glued to his lips, some laughed once in a while. What a puppy club, Nick thought, grabbing one champagne glass after the other. He looked silly, everyone looked silly. "Avant-gardists," whispered Nick, rolled his eyes and walked outside. He desperately needed a cigarette. Outside it had already cooled down, the moon towering over the buildings of the industrial area. He'd better go. Here he was absolutely out of place and far from anonymous. He walked away from the building, towards the taxis. "Nick?", asked a soft voice behind him. Irritated, he spun around. "Nina," he said, surprised, taking the woman into his arms. "What the hell are you doing here?", she asked, lighting a cigarette. "I ... uhm ... I," Nick scratched his head. "The … Art," he said quickly. She nodded. "Did you know that Blixa opened the exhibition?", she asked mischievously. They had known each other since the early days in West Berlin and she was among those they apparently couldn’t hide it from. "Blixa? What? Really?", asked Nick. Come let’s go look at the pictures," she said and dragged him back in.  
"What kind of art is on display here?", he asked. "I thought you're here because of the art," replied Nina. She pulled Nick over to the pictures. Postmodern photography, great. Nick took a deep breath. What a shit idea. A text message would have spared him all that. He glanced at the photograph of a red painted women, naked on railroad tracks. "Interesting," Nina said, moving on. After walking past many similarly confusing images, they walked up the gallery and discovered a room with just one image. Curious, they walked in. No one else seemed to have found the space between sparkling wine and little shrimp snacks. The image was black and white, with some shapes running out on each side. "Between Black and White," Nina read aloud. Nick stepped closer. There was actually a lot of grey. He laughed at the title. Suddenly, Nina smiled at him, let go of his arm and stroked over Nick's back. Nick gave her a confused look. When she walked away, he understood. Blixa stood silently next to him. Arms crossed. His gaze immersed in art. Nick's heart was suddenly filled with self-doubt and fear. He carefully looked to the side. Blixa just pretended that the picture interested him, because he, too, looked to the side. Nick acted as if he wouldn't have noticed. He clutched his empty champagne glass and copied Blixa. Quite the art critic. "Between Black and White," said Nick staring at the image. "Mh?", Blixa asked. "That's the name of the picture." "There's actually a lot of grey there," Blixa said dryly. Silence, then they both laughed. "What do you think it's supposed to say?", asked Nick, driving his hand through his hair. Again, Blixa looked stealthily to the side. "Love," Blixa replied. "Love? Grey?", Nick wrinkled his nose. Blixa stepped closer to the picture. "Guck, here. One side black, one side white. That's love. The forms of love," he explained, pointing his finger at different places in the picture. Nick glanced at Blixa's hands. He loved them, like everything about him. "And the grey?", asked Nick. "Well, the grey is everything in between. All without a name. Anything that doesn't need a name. All that they want to squeeze into a form, but still belongs to neither side." Nick wanted to swim in his words. They were interesting, instructive and wise. What he said himself was mostly associated with fuck and bullshit and most times not of great artistic value. "But what's that supposed to be?", Nick asked. Blixa turned around and looked Nick straight in the eye. Nick couldn’t help but smile. When had Blixa changed so much? Nick didn't know, but the man standing in front of him was still his reflection and the most desirable one he knew. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him they were the grey. He knew Blixa meant them both, but they weren’t alone. Again and again guests walked past, curiously looking into the room. Nick got the Rolex out of his jacket and gave it to Blixa. When Blixa took it, their hands touched. Blixa snowed his index finger around Nick's. "Stay with me tonight," Blixa said, staring down at the watch. Nick pulled his hand back. "I don't know if that's a good idea," Nick said. Blixa looked up. His eyes pierced him. Without any expression of emotion, Blixa looked at him. It felt like an eternity. "What happened yesterday made you feel uncom-" said Nick. Blixa had slid his hand under Nick’s Jacket, encompassing Nick's waist. Everything around them ceased to exist. The high heels scraping across the parquet, the champagne glasses, the quiet conversations background, everything disappeared. With slight pressure, Blixa pulled Nick closer to him. "Come with me," Blixa whispered. His grip on Nick’s waist got firmer. Nick put his index finger around Blixa's belt buckle and pulled him even closer. Blixa looked down and smiled. Nick wanted to do nothing more than open the belt. His thumb drove over the silky fabric under it. In his gentle movement, he sensed that Blixa was as aroused as he was. The gentle stroke became a powerful squeeze. Nick saw Blixa close his eyes and close to putting his head on Nick’s shoulder. Laughter. Footsteps. A group of people entered the room. They looked at each other. "Just stay here in front of me," Nick said quietly. "Just a moment, otherwise everyone sees ...," he added. "Good idea," Blixa agreed. The group went closer to the picture but paid no attention to the two. Nick took a deep breath and looked to the side. Distraction, he needed distraction. His eyes examined a women's dress. Points and stripes in one outfit. Tasteless. He felt Blixa's hand streaking down the seam of his belt. So much for distraction. Nick's heart raced. If anyone saw it, they would have more than one problem, but the hand wandered back to his waist. "Stop," Nick whispered without looking at Blixa. "Otherwise what," Blixa said in a deep dominating tone. Nick looked at him and raised his eyebrows. "You'll see that when you move on," he said, putting his hand on Blixa's shoulder and driving along his neck with his fingertips. From the corner of his eye, he observed the guests, they didn't seem to notice anything. "I'm supposed to move on?", asked Blixa, stepping so close to Nick that their hips touched. Blixa let his hand drive into the pocket of Nick's pants. "Not here," Nick whispered. "Not here, no, but when we're home," "Is that a promise?" "A fact my dear. That has always been a fact." Nick pulled Blixa's hand out of his pocket and closed his suit to hide what needed to be hidden. 

 

Blixa’s home was large, almost empty and modern, unlike his own place. He could instantly recognize Blixa's love for perfection. They went to the kitchen. "Wine?", asked Blixa. Nick nodded. Blixa took two glasses from one of the black shiny cabinets and poured some red wine into the glasses. He handed Nick a glass, leaned in loosely and took a sip. "Where are you sleeping tonight?", Blixa asked. "Wherever you have space here," Nick said, emptying the glass in one go. "What are we doing now?", asked Nick. Without waiting for a reply, Blixa kissed Nick. He put down the glass without looking. His hands encircled the face of Blixa. He, too, put down his glass. Nick pressed his lips on Blixa's, opened his teeth and let his tongue into his mouth. Nick began to moan quietly, threw his arms around Blixas and pushed him firmly to himself, so he could straighten up to his full size. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the kiss. All that had accumulated for years seemed to explode. Eventually, Nick detached his lips from Blixas and pierced him with his blue eyes "So that's how you want it ...," Blixa said, gently lifting Nick up the kitchen island. Blixa took off his jacket and vest. He firmly grabbed Nick’s butt. Nick stroked over Blixa's belt line. Blixa took his hands forward and opened Nick's belt. Nick's body began to quake. He saw Blixa start laughing silently. His smile was beautiful, but he didn’t show it often. Nick flipped Blixa's hands, looked at him and kissed him again. He twined his long legs around Blixa's hip. Blixa took his hands away from Nick, unbuttoned his shirt and opened the zip of Nick's pants. Blixa's head wandered down. Nick felt the blood rush to his head. He wanted to push Blixa away, but he had already enclosed him with his mouth. His tongue glided over it, played with him and pushed him deeper into his throat. Nick could no longer sit upright and lay down entirely on the island, with his hands enclosing Blixa's head. He drove his hands into the silver hair, which had long ceased to be accurate. "Fuck that's good, way much too good," Nick said, biting himself on his own hand. Blixa suddenly stopped: "Maybe we should continue later," Blixa said, gazing mischievously at Nick. Nick couldn't talk, so he ejected a demanding noise. Blixa threw Nick's legs around his hips and put Nick's arms around his neck. He carried him to the living room and put him on the big couch. Nick was surprised how strong Blixa was, despite his passion for food and wine. Nick stood up and nudged Blixa on the couch. Blixa leaned back and looked into Nick’s bright blue eyes. Outside, it started raining. The heavy drops pelted against the windows that revealed a view on the large garden. Nick put his hands on Blixa's face, whose hair now looked like that of a stray cat. "Grey, so much grey ...," Nick said, lacing his lips on Blixa's. "My favorite color," said Blixa smiling. "Is that the case?", asked Nick doubtfully. They kissed again. Blixa paused briefly and stared at Nick. "That you're here, Nick, means a lot to me," he said softly, sinking into the blue sea. "Thank you," Nick said confused. Blixa opened Nick's shirt and brushed it down from his shoulders: "I missed you, you know ... that's why I texted you." Blixa sounded unsettled. "Blixa, you are and remain the most important man in my life." The reaction was an intimate kiss. Nick pushed Blixa down on the couch. "Oh, what do I feel pressing against my leg?", said Nick playfully. "Not the remote," replied Blixa, taking off Nicks underwear and pulled Nick closer to him. Nick knew Blixa hated giving up control and realized he was already trying to get on top again. "What are you trying to do?", asked Nick. "You know that I don’t like this," Blixa said, slightly annoyed. He looked at Nick earnestly. "I know you would never allow me to do this, but ...," Nick said, gently starting to kiss Blixa's breat. Blixa pulled his head back up. He shook his head, picked up Blixa's tie from the couch and put his arms over his head. "Nick, I dare you," threatened Blixa, but his wrists were already tied to the armrest of a heavy chair above his head. "Nick ..." "Psss." Nick put his finger on Blixa's mouth and started wandering down again. "I hate that," Blixa said, trying to roll Nick down from him with his legs. "Stop it," Nick whispered. When he got to Blixa's belt, he drove his tongue along the waistband. Blixa writhed under him. Nick sat on his legs, leaving him unable to move. "Don’t," Blixa said quietly. Nick opened his belt and pants, pulled them down and started fondling Blixa. As he closed his lips around him, Blixa began to shake. "I said, don’t...," he said amid groans, yet Nick didn't stop. Blixa was close to losing all control and he hated it. "Relax," Said Nick when he noticed Blixa's tension. "I hate you," whispered Blixa and subconsciously began to move his hips up and down. Nick took his hands. Blixa got harder and harder until he poured himself into Nick's mouth. Breathing hard, he lay under Nick. "I ... hate ... you ...," Blixa said, waiting to get untied and show the little stupid boy who was in charge. Nick knew exactly what he was doing: He wanted to wake the beast and he was successful. There were things his wife would never do, but Blixa did and he needed it. As soon as he had untied Blixa, a flat hand hit his face. Nick fell on the couch and smiled. "So, there you are," he said teasing Blixa. "You stupid little boy," Blixa said grinning, pushed Nick onto the couch and put his hand around his throat. They thought they had changed, but appearances were deceptive. They were still the same. Nick was struggling to get air, it aroused him even more. Blixa pulled on Nick’s hair so tightly that he shrieked. "Why did you do that?", asked Blixa, firmly encompassing Nick’s erection. It hurt, but it was so good at the same time. As Nick moaned louder, Blixa put his hand around Nick's neck again. With the other hand, he began to please Nick. With firm hard bumps, he moved his hand up and down while still keeping a firm grip on Nick's throat. Just before Nick fainted, he loosened his grip and Nick came. Nick gasped for air. "I love the beast in you," Nick said weakly. "I don’t," Blixa replied, placing his head on Nick’s chest. Nick reached into the gray hair and stroked Blixa’s head. "I know ...," Nick said, smiling.


End file.
